aimee

2004-10-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

man, i'm just so worn out this week..i've been going back and forth from one state to another..my bum life is totally over! hehe..it's time to work my ass off!

kwento kwento lang!!

2004-09-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

wala masyado happenings today.. nagsimba ako for the first time after 2 months since dumating ako.. tagal na kong di nakapagsimba and i really felt good after.. i went to starbucks kc super gininaw ako paglabas ko ng church.. kelangan kong magkape...pero grabe!! cappucino ba yun? bat lasang ewan? siguro kc nagpaka health conscious daw ako.. sabi nung guy.. what kind of milk ma'am? sabi ko naman, skim milk please!! ako ba yung nagsalita? bat ko ba nasabi yun eh half and half ang type ko.. ah ewan!! basta lasang ewan ang kapeng may skim milk.. hehehe..

jeniweys, i could already feel the cool breeze of fall..summer is almost over! sobrang giniginaw ako tonight.. pasalamat naman din ako na nakaramdam din ng pagkalamig ang mommy ko.. pano ba naman mag ac ba the whole night? at least ngayon, naconvince sya na malamig ang panahon..hehe..patay ang aircon..lagi nila kong pinagtatawanan kase di daw ako pang amerika.. hahaha..kc maski sa pinas ayoko ng naka electric fan o aircon.. at lagi pa kong nakakumot..

hay!! wala ko masyadong masabi..same old routine ang nangyari today.. hirap maging tambay.. sana maipasa ko yung interview ko sa tuesday..para naman makalabas labas ako ng bahay at maarawan..at eto na yung big opportunity na hinihintay ko.. gusto ko ng magtrabaho.. di na nga ko lumalabas masyado kc napapagastos lang ako.. d2 na lang ako sa loob ng house..mangungulit na lang ako ng mga friends kong nakaonline..hehe!!parang si pam!! sarap kulitin kc ang dame nyang alam na pang-aliw!! grabe pam!! natumba ko dun kay chona mo..hehehe.. napasulat tuloy ako d2 sa blog..parang nahyper ako bigla..haha!!

sige pam next tym, happy thoughts na isusulat ko..pero can't promise!! basta wag ka na uli magagalit ha..o sya sige na..wala ng sense pinagsusulat ko.. tulog na ko..

Content

2004-09-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

I should be content
to look at a mountain
for what it is
and not as a comment
on my life

(David Ignatow)

On learning to do better

2004-09-19T14:46:00.001-07:00

I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don't see it.
I fall in.
It isn't my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it's still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It's a habit.
I get out quicker this time.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don't fall in.
I walk down a different street.

Portia Nelson

at peace and happy

2004-09-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

when my sister read my blog, she asked me why am i only writing the sad part of my life.. why shouldn't i share the happy ones.. she told me to tell the world that i'm perfectly alright..

for the past few days, i've been getting a lot of good news every now and then..just the other day, i had a call telling me that there's this job opportunity waiting for me.. a job that i really like doing..i almost cried coz this is something i've been praying for.. i felt like my prayers have been getting some answers..they all came to me as a surprise and i'm glad they did.. i felt elated from all the negative vibes..

since i got here in the states (2months ago), i've spent a lot of time thinking of where to start from here.. i've just broken up with a 5 yr. relationship and i'm jobless.. these things really put me in my downest low in my life.. i have lost a lot of self-esteem and strength.. weak and vulnerable..

my family and friends would always tell me that i'm a strong person and that i could easily handle things on my own.. but the truth of the matter is they're the ones who made me as such.. i couldn't have made it without them.. words of encouragement were overflowing.. you're a fighter, not a quitter! their support was paid off, it has helped me regain all my confidence back..

at this point in my life, i feel at peace and happy.. i thank God for giving me the chance to review the things that happened to me in my 24 yrs. of existence.. that no matter how good or bad life can be, there's still a lot of blessings to be grateful of.. just by waking up in the morning is already a blessing.. it's not all what you want in life that matters, it's how you can make a difference to make your life and other's lives more meaningful..

i used to be so attached with my emotions but i have realized that by doing this, it's harder for me to move on.. people don't just come and go in your life without any purpose at all.. they have become a part of your life to know who and what you are as a person.. what you can give without expecting anything in return..

life will always remain as a mystery.. you can plan your life but you can't really figure out what's gonna happen next.. i have learned that each day there's a miracle waiting to happen.. i don't wanna waste it.. life is too short and you have to enjoy it each day..

just thinking of what i went through before makes me smile....

False alarm..

2004-09-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

just 20 minutes ago, i had one of my most startling and funny experience..hahahah.. i was about to do my laundry when suddenly the fire alarm in our building got of hand.. lol..it scared me to death!! i went in and out of the building but it seemed like i was the only one who can hear that ear busting sound.. nobody went out of their apartments except me.. well that's understandable coz most people are at work.. perhaps i was the only bum left in the building..hahahah..well thank goodness.. it was just a false alarm. the firemen came by just to check it and left..then i did my laundry..

now, i'm making fun of myself.... there were four things that i wanted to save at that time..my organizer ( which i couldn't find) so i can call my mom at work.. the $25 that my mom left at the table ( to buy phone cards) my passport coz that's my life.. and my mom's important documents.. hehehe.. just thinking of it makes me laugh.. just wondering if i was thinking right at that moment.. if i was saving the right stuff during an emergency..hahaha!! i remember some people saying that you always have to at least dress nice even when you're at home so in case of an emergency, you still look proper.. yeah right!! i didn't care about my looks.. i guess nobody will..

oh well!it's just another exciting day ...

2004-09-14T06:22:00.000-07:00

this morning is just totally GREAT!!! my sister told me something that made me overwhelmingly HAPPY!!! more than happy.. but whatever that is, i won't say it yet.. hehe.. i just want to CELEBRATE!! God truly works in His own mysterious ways..

i told anne ( my sis).. "I LOVE YOU".. she's the wind beneath my wings.. there's something really powerful in her that i don't have..hahhahaha.. it's just sad that she's not feeling very well for the past few days..

maybe in the future, maybe not

2004-09-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

almost everyday i chat with my friend joycee.. in less than two weeks, she's leaving for u.s.. but something has been bothering her for quite a while..she's inlove with her best friend.. that's her biggest dilemma.. thinking of all the what if's when she goes..

what if he forgets about me?
what if one day, he'll feel the same?
what if i can't stand being away from him?

finally, she decided to reveal her feelings to the guy.. and he told her, "maybe in the future".. no response that he felt the same way.. as a best friend..he does love her..

he has other plans..

joyce spent a lot of time just crying.. torn between love and her future.. to stay or not to stay..she asked me to convince her that she's making the right choice.. to leave!!

so i answered her with a question.. " where are you in his life?".. she paused.. " i don't know"..

i'm not sure if i'm the right person to advice.. i couldn't really tell you what's the right or the wrong choice for you.. it depends on what is more important to you, i guess.. which one are you willing to sacrifice? love or your future? unfortunately, both are important but at this point she can only choose one..

i told her to go.. not because love is less important.. it's because it can wait for now.. "maybe in the future" or "maybe not".

he has other plans.. and so are you.. just planning to leave justifies that there are some things you want to do with your life..

yeah! they said that love conquers all..

but not at all times..not to all people..

sometimes, we have to sacrifice love to reach our dreams.. it's not being selfish.. it's okay to dream for ourselves, for our family and for our loved ones.. we feel the need to secure ourselves on our own.. you cannot just depend on anyone..

there are also some people who are brave enough to drop everything for love.. i understand that.. it's true that love is where you find true happiness.. it makes you love life to the fullest.. content.. for them it was the right choice..

but love for some people takes the right time..the right place..the right person..

i told joyce, he may be the right person but it's not the right time..

maybe in the future or maybe not..

but you don't sacrifice your future..

he has other plans and so are you..

birthday color code

2004-09-12T19:00:00.000-07:00

MAROON (june 14th to 23rd)
You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to take things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other people's feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love... Once you get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.

EvEr wOnDeR..

2004-09-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there,
help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one:

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

blog and friendster

2004-09-12T05:37:00.000-07:00

it's 8:30 in the morning!! i'm in front of the pc again. .

when i've learned about this blog thing from pam (my friend), i felt inspired to write.. so other than friendster (hehe), i can keep myself busy.. this is the perfect outlet to box all my thoughts.. it's quite expensive calling my friends .. they know me, when i start talking, it's like getting stuck in a traffic jam in edsa..endless!! now they could just visit my blog and find out what's going on with me..

i'm a talker not a writer.. i'd rather use my mouth than my hands.. i was given a journal by a friend..she told me, every time i feel down, just write it down.. well i did..once.. haha.. i consumed one page of that journal and that was it.. i'd rather store my thoughts in my memory.. anyway, i'm good in repressing the things i don't want to recall.. but when i've read some of the blogs, i thought why not make one of my own.. the past two years of my life were the most memorable.. i always tell my lola, gosh!! i'm emotionally stressed out.. one time, i even heard her murmuring to my sister on the phone.." aimee's emotionally stressed out"..hahahah! i was rolling when i heard that.. don't worry guys, if you're curious about what happened to me when i was gone, just keep track of this blog..

anyway, i'm also a self confessed barbarian when it comes to what's in and out.. haha!! when pam introduced me to friendster, i just ignored it.. i wasn't interested.. i didn't get the point or my barbaric mind didn't allow me to.. but later on, i found out that it's a place where you can spot your old time friends in gs, hs and college.. it's amazing.. i felt reconnected again.. it also made me realize that time flies so fast.. people change..and mind you, friendster was the key to unravel the most shocking secret that one person has kept from me for a long time.. clue! read the lyrics of the song " the broken vow" that i have posted in my blog.. it says all..

so what else i want to say? hmmm..i was distracted by a phone call.. so i guess what i'm all trying to say is that i'm quite overwhelmed of this blog and friendster stuff.. they both fill in the days when there's nothing else to do.. i want to take advantage of my free time these days coz i know in the next couple of weeks.. i'd be out working my ass again!

best ones

2004-09-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

hmmm..i've just noticed that i've been whining about a lot of stuff lately.. hehe.. don't get me wrong..i'm a happy person..i roll at the corniest joke from anyone..it's just that sometimes unfortunate things come at the same time ( not to include my stranded days at the airport)..haha!

okay, i just wanna say that i'm in a feel good moment.. i've been busy chatting with my girl friends back home . they made me laugh and smile again.. they're my best cheerleaders!! seems like nothing has changed over the years of detachment.. still crazy!! still my friends..

of course, we talked about the boys again .. but this time in a lighter mood.. we talked about our boo boos from our previous relationships.. it was fun!! it's like whoa!! did you actually do that? hahaha!! yeah, i was stupid!! blinded.. blah! blah! blah! but anyhow, those things don't matter anymore.. those were the old days!!

we also talked about the future..now that we're older, our lives are getting more interesting.. back in college days, we don't give much attention to what's gonna happen next..( or was it just me? i was pretty laid back then.. hehe.. )anyway, i was quite surprised of how these girls have become wiser over the years.. more focused and independent..

i'm so happy knowing that their much happier.. it's very inspiring.. how i wish i could have packed them all up in my luggage..haha.. their my best ones..

Broken Vow by Lara Fabian and Walter Afanaseiff

2004-09-11T05:48:00.000-07:00

Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
i need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I'll let you go
i'll let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I'll let you go
Now that i found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

letting go

2004-09-11T05:44:00.000-07:00

let go, move on..
you deserve better, much better..
it's gonna be fine, you'll see..
maybe it's not meant to be..

words you often hear..
after a break up..

to calm you down..
to keep your cool..
or rather save your sanity..

i've seen my friends cry over a heart break..
i told myself, this will not happen to me..
it's just not..
i'm happy and inlove..
that will keep me going..
but yeah,
sometimes
life is a bitch..
unfair!!

what does letting go really means?
what is there to let go?
the love?
the person?
or the pain?
Oh God!!
i can't do all at the same time..
how?

i just wanted to be alone..
reflect..
mourn..
hope..
believe

5 years!

time is a good healer!
my friend once told me that..
believe me aims!!
it is..

It's all right to cry,
get mad
and feel hurt..

I know..

i've cried many times
and asked myself over and over..
what went wrong?
when did it start falling apart?
why?

i just felt lost!!

then after somehow
some thought..
some time..

i've realized..

yes!!

i can let go..

i love him..

i still do..

but..

i can only keep

the love..

not the person anymore..

not the pain..

it's over!!